


An Accidental Serenade

by Sevenscorpions



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alpha Trolls - Freeform, Are you reading my tags?, Cronus Being Cronus, Dorks in Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Graphic Description of Cute, Gratuitous Romance, I mean you can if you want, Kankri Can't Shut Up, M/M, Musician Cronus, Some Backstory, Troll Romance, Why? Why are you still reading these?, but they're not effective at this point, cronkri - Freeform, music lesson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-24 12:11:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9726143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sevenscorpions/pseuds/Sevenscorpions
Summary: An uneventful day turns into a quest to find the owner of a lost page of sheet music, and Kankri gets more involved than he expects.





	1. Interrupted

Kankri was daydreaming, but he didn’t know it. 

Something about the cold air, the pillows beneath his legs, or the empty afternoon he’d spent trying to focus on his readings- it was conducive to flights of fancy. He had sat down beneath a tree, intending to meditate, but his mind was far from peaceful. Instead it was tumultuous; thoughts tumbled and writhed far from his control, and he couldn’t draw the images they spoke of into view. 

If anyone had happened upon him, they would have been surprised to find him splayed out on a grey linen blanket, wrinkled papers trapped beneath larger tomes that would intimidate the most well-read of trolls. His eyes were distant, his lips pursed as if about to speak, but no words came. He looked uncharacteristically casual without his hair carefully combed and his posture guarded and stiff. His hands were folded on his chest.

Inside, he was himself but not himself- a troubled but righteous troll, one who knew his prospects and his abilities far better than his feelings. He had been trying to meditate for almost two hours, but he could not calm his thoughts enough to begin. Instead, he had opened his mind to questioning himself. When he did allow himself the occasional bit of doubt, it had to be in private. In those few moments when he questioned himself, he was consumed. Did he know what he really wanted? Was he anything at all? More and more he felt that his opinions, however strong, were falling on deaf ears- and then, what was the point of speech if no one cared to listen?

There were few with whom he could share his true thoughts. He kept to the outskirts of town, remaining solitary unless absolutely necessary. He did have friends, but he kept his distance. It was easier that way- fewer judgements and fewer confusion as to intentions. They often jokingly referred to him as ‘the hermit’, even though it was relatively rare for trolls to live together in the first place. He didn’t approve of the moniker, but for the sake of being good-natured he allowed them this innocent nickname- it was better than the other, more culturally insensitive names they could have chosen.

He closed his eyes, wishing that he could quiet the storm in his head. The wind whipped around him, scattering some of the papers near him, and he was shaken from his introspection with a jerk of recognition as one smacked against his face. He leapt to his feet, hands flying left and right as he tried to gather the pages before they could evade his reach. With a huff, he grabbed the last page, but was confused to find that it was not one of his.

The texture was rougher than the thick, parchment-like pages he preferred. The handwriting was completely different- it was sloppier, more of a scrawl than a script. And it was not just writing, but music. Kankri flipped the page, looking for some indication of who it belonged to, but it was not the first page and had no name or title. He stared dumbfounded at the little strikes and notes that dotted the page before abruptly ending halfway down. The lyrics started in the middle of a sentence- a short phrase about lamplight and warm nights. It was quite poetic, actually- or it would have been, if he knew the context. He looked around, hoping someone would claim it.

“Is anyone- I believe you’ve dropped your paper-“

There was no reply. He was alone.

At first he went to place the page back into the stack of papers, but when he tried to continue his meditation it kept drawing his gaze. From where he sat, he could see just the corner of the page sticking out from under the book, with a single word visible- ‘evening’. Every time he turned away, trying to draw his focus, that word stayed imprinted in his head. He could trace it with his finger in the air- a sweeping stroke that quickly became sharp and blunt. It wasn’t a particularly beautiful rendition of the word, but it was nonetheless captivating for its mysterious appearance. 

After about ten minutes of this, he realized meditation was not in the cards for him that day. Try as he might, this distraction was too intriguing, and he wanted to think about it further where he could have some privacy. He carefully wrapped the books and spare pages in the blanket with the cushions he liked, and set off for home.

 

_____________________________________

 

As usual, Kankri was greeted by the ear-piercing screech of his lusus. He replied with a well-mannered nod and a wave that indicated he would be heading upstairs. He had work to do.

Having dropped off his bundle and retrieved the sheet of music, he headed towards the furthest room on the second floor of his hive. It was mostly bare, with little in the way of furniture, but it did have something of note- a keyboard for practicing music. It had been a gift from Porrim when she was in her ‘punk' phase, along with a strange instrument called a tambourine and a seemingly useless triangular piece of plastic that said ‘pick me’ in green lettering. Neither of these had gotten much use, but every once in a while he had tinkered around with the keyboard and taught himself to read some music. Of course, he kept these things to himself. If anyone saw him with it he would be more than embarrassed.

With a determined sigh, he dusted off the keys and plugged the apparatus into the energy port on the wall. A dull red light flickered on near the primitive analog screen, that was still set to the mode ‘grand piano 1’ from the last time he had turned it on. For a few seconds he just stared at the page, trying to recall the basic scales he had practiced. He gingerly placed his hands on the keys, and startled himself when doing so elicited a loud noise- apparently the volume was set to maximum. 

After making sure everything was set up correctly, he tentatively tried to pick out the tune. It sounded unsatisfying, but that was only because it was unfinished and out of order. The little melody that had been inscribed so far was charming, but melancholy. There was something thoughtful about it; he could almost hear it completed, like an idea that slipped past his train of thought. He tried playing it again, with some embellishment and the addition of a few chords. Multiple times he stopped, and every time he picked it up again, adding a little more each time, until sitting in front of him was a relatively complete section of a song, notated in pencil alongside the mystery writer’s script.

He had no idea that he was even capable of composing. Music was less of a hobby and more of an occasional treat that he allowed himself to partake in, but upon looking at the page again he realized that it was quite passable. Not perfect, but only because he had merely adopted the song, not created it. When he listened to it in it’s entirety, the transition between original and new composer was smooth. On the page, it was abrupt and jarring. The original composer, who he decided to refer to as Mystery Troll, had poured emotion and feeling directly onto the paper in ink. His own writing was carefully planned so as to avoid misspellings, even and as generic-looking as typed font. 

It suddenly dawned upon him how ridiculous this was- he found someone else’s work and decided that it would be perfectly fine to scribble his own ideas over theirs, as if it no longer belonged to them. He was shocked at his own audacity, and grabbed for an eraser. Just as he was about to undo the work of the past hour, something stopped him. He didn’t understand exactly how, but he felt like he shouldn’t do it. His confidence faltered. He decided to play it safe- he wrote down his additions on a separate page, and erased the pencil on the original. Satisfied that he did the right thing, he turned off the keyboard. 

After the rare treat of music, the weighty silence in the hive seemed sacrilegious, but the song continued in his head.

 

__________________________________

 

It had been two days since the wayward page had found its way into Kankri’s hands, and he had practically gone door to door trying to find it’s original owner. He knew how important his own writings were to him, and that he would desperately want to find any missing parts if they were lost. It was imperative that he return the page so Mystery Troll could finish their song. 

At first, he had no idea why his knocks at every door went unanswered when there was obviously someone there. He could see them silhouetted in the windows, trying not to be noticed. By the fifth or sixth hive he gave up on trying to get their attention. When he reached Latula’s hive, she stared at him for a few seconds before stifling back laughter.

“Dude. Let me guess- no one comes to the door.”

“How did you know?” He looked genuinely confused, and a little annoyed. 

“You showed up at their door out of nowhere with a weird piece of paper- you got a reputation for being the over-dramatic righteous loud guy. Dude, they thought you were, like, a missionary or something. Or worse.”

“That- I suppose that makes sense. I don’t often go looking for company, so my sudden appearance could seem threatening.”

“What are you even doing, anyway? You look like someone stole your woof beast.”

“I was practicing my mindful meditation a few days ago, and the wind blew my readings away from where I was sitting. When I picked them up, this page was one of them. It is obviously not mine, and I have been trying to return it to it’s rightful owner.”

“Lemme see-“ She snatched it away before he could protest. He wanted to chastise her, but he felt it would be inappropriate. She was trying to help, after all. Her eyes narrowed.

“Do you recognize it?”

“Not really. I don’t really pay attention to people’s handwriting. I mean, it’s neato and all, but it ain’t my thing. It could be Porrim’s. She collects some weird stuff, maybe it came from one of her books.”

“Then I really must be going. Thank you for your insight.”

“Sure thing, man- I got you. Later, gator!”

“What does that mean?”

“It’s a human thing. Later gator is, like, ‘see ya’, but cooler. Cause gators are the raddest of the earth amphibians. If we’re talking overall badass, though, I gotta say sharks have it on lock.”

“Ah. Well, goodbye.”

He quietly excused himself and headed down the walkway, his feet kicking up tufts of grayish dust as he went. Over the course of the day he’d become more and more frustrated. First no one would answer him, then no one knew where he should begin. Dejected, he allowed himself to daydream again, hoping it would stimulate some sort of epiphany that would bring his little adventure to a close. He was tired. A simple thing like a page shouldn’t have been enough to engage him in silly treasure hunts for mysterious trolls or write lyrical poetry when there were more important things to do. It was bordering on ridiculous. He looked down at the carefully folded sheet of paper. Maybe it was Porrim’s- she had eclectic taste, and she did frequent the park where he meditated. 

Porrim lived directly across from Latula, but when he went to knock on the door he hesitated. The hive was much taller than the others in the area- it was made of a dark material that was spotted with several windows and balconies draped with fabrics in a multitude of green fabrics. Each swath of cloth was embroidered and beaded with tiny swirls of gold- just enough to glitter as the wind blew them. He wanted to talk to Porrim, to explain the confusion and frustration this odd little page had given him, but he knew she would probably smile at him and tell him he was making a mountain of a digging-beast’s pile. She never meant to condescend, but sometimes she just didn’t understand his motivations in seeking her counsel. She often forgot that he was an adult like she was- she had that lusus-like instinct to protect and reassure when really Kankri just needed to vent.

Was he taking this too seriously? Any other troll might have forgotten about the little mystery by now. With a sigh, he decided that he would talk to Porrim another time. By the looks of it, she most likely wasn’t even home. There were no lights on inside, and the hive was deathly quiet. Kankri wished his mind could be the same- he needed a break.

A mixture of habit and subconscious thought led him once again to the edge of the woods and then to the seat of the large tree where he practiced his daily meditations. He pressed his back against the bark, feeling it scratching the back of his head. With his eyes closed, he could almost pretend that he felt relaxed. The park was empty- few ever went walking there, and those who did stayed closer to the paths. This- his- tree was just at the edge of a small clearing, and from his spot he could see and hear anyone that might come across him.

Kankri stretched out his limbs in an attempt to shake out the unsettled feeling that had come over him, but it wouldn’t pass. He curled up with his arms around his knees, and realized that he had been humming. It hadn’t even occurred to him until he felt his throat vibrate against his leg, but he was humming. Maybe it was a reflex, or a way to relieve the stress, but having noticed it he found it impossible to ignore. He wasn’t even humming anything in particular. It was just sound, but it filled in the spaces in his mind and that was better than nothing. 

He could do a song, he thought- he didn’t know that many, but he remembered a few hymns of the Sufferer that had been transcribed. He tried humming a few bars, but it didn’t sound right. It didn’t feel right. Hymns were meant to be sung. Kankri had sung only occasionally, and he thought his voice was mediocre at best. It was embarrassing. Then again, he was alone- the park was deserted. If he sang quietly, no one would know but the trees. He could even sing the song on the paper if he really wanted to. 

“I saw the reflection of the lamplight in your eyes / and never knew that the warmth came from inside / i would give anything to know / if you would go where i would go.”

He paused, almost anticipating disapproval from the thick vines and foliage of the forest, but he couldn’t even hear an echo of his voice. There were chirp beasts singing in the distance, and the grass swayed gently in the wind. He considered heading home, but getting up and walking back seemed like too much effort. His eyes began to droop, and he fell asleep with the piece of paper in his hand.


	2. Reconnection

Cronus had three guitars, a saxophone, a baby grand piano, and no motivation whatsoever. Every once in a while he would feel a burst of energy that left him in the middle of a pile of half-finished songs and concept poetry, but unable to figure out what to do with them. It was unsatisfying, and extremely annoying. He had gotten used to writer’s block back when he dallied in writing short stories, but they were a bust. He just wasn’t cut out for it. Everyone said they were ‘unable to suspend disbelief’ and that they were ‘too obnoxious’, so he tried music instead. He could sing alright, but no one wanted to give him a try. If he could have just gotten the right combination of notes and words, maybe they’d take a chance and check him out.

He had to admit it was hard- he bragged a lot, but only because he knew it would get a rise out of them. He wasn’t exactly a music critic himself- he listened to almost exclusively 50s rock and troll Frank Sinatra albums he found in one of those unlocked storage chests that were scattered around. Occasionally he’d come across some odd spa-sounding stuff that was all wind chimes and nature sounds, but he could hear all that by going outside like normal people. He stuck with his favorites- they sounded great on his record player, and who cared what anyone else thought? He spent more time in his music room than he did in his own bedroom. It had everything he needed to create- and a mini fridge. The bean bag chairs were pretty cool too.

He took a sip from the can of human soda on the side table next to him. He’d found someone selling them on the internet a while back and ordered all the cases he could afford. It didn’t taste nearly as great as they had advertised, but it fit with his look that he had going on, so he could deal with a weird drink for the sake of aesthetic. Actually, his entire hive was like that. He had explicitly requested that his hive be located on land instead of underwater like the rest of his sea dwelling kin. It was nice beneath the waves, but it was too quiet and he couldn’t keep a lot of his favorite things down there without fish and all sorts of weird animals getting in his way. Most of his stuff was just decoration, but it made the hive feel like home. It was his own private Cronus-themed museum, just the way he liked it.

He absentmindedly strummed the cherry-red fender that was his most prized possession- he spent almost half a sweep teaching himself how to play. The first time he heard the distinctive twang of an electric guitar he knew he had to have one. His fingers formed calluses, but he didn’t care. It was worth it. He was pretty good, too- he practiced daily, either playing songs he’d heard before or making things up as he went along. It didn’t matter if he played a real song- it only mattered that he played in the first place.

For the past few weeks, the beginnings of a song had started to grow in his mind, and for the first time it felt like a good one. No kitschy lollipop shit either- this one had substance. The idea came to him while he was walking home one night. The words just appeared in his head with no warning, and he practically sprinted back to his hive to write them down before he forgot them. He had almost mowed down two trolls when he rounded the bend that led to the main hive complex. The tune was there too, as if someone had sung it right into his ear. He only had a couple verses left to figure out before it was finished.

His guitar strap dug into his neck right against his gills. He shifted it over a little as he reached over and grabbed the folder of loose sheets of music that was propped up on his music stand. As he shuffled through them to put them in order, he noticed with exasperation that the most recent page was missing. He tried to think of where it might have gone, hoping that it just got lost somewhere in his room, but then he remembered that he brought some of his music out to the park to see if he could get some spare cash for playing. _It had been windy… it must be long gone by now._ It didn’t matter- he’d rewrite it or something. It probably wasn’t a good verse anyway.

 

_________________________________

 

“Hey. Jeez, are you alright? What the hell are you doing here?”

Kankri was vaguely aware of a voice, accompanied by a sharp pain in his neck.

“Hhm?”

“Damn. You look like hell warmed over.”

The voice got clearer, and he started to remember where he was. He cracked open his eyes, still a little disoriented. The blurry outline of the troll standing above him started to come into focus.

“I’m fine. I- took a nap that turned into a full night’s sleep.”

He winced at how loudly his joints popped when he pulled himself to his feet.

“Alright then. You need help? Or are ya good?”

“I said I’m fine.”

He quickly brushed the dirt and debris out of his hair, suddenly self-conscious. When he looked up and finally got a glimpse of the stranger who had woken him up, he was surprised to find that he wasn’t really a stranger at all.

“You still got some dirt on your nose.”

Cronus reached out to brush it off, but Kankri stopped him. It was awkward enough being discovered sleeping like a grub out in the wilderness- the last thing he wanted was someone poking at him. He expected Cronus to be annoyed, but luckily he seemed to understand that the circumstances for friendly advances were less favorable than usual.

“I can get it.”

The crumbles of dirt fell away at the slightest touch. He shook off the dust that clung to his sweater and leggings as well.

“Never said you couldn’t.”

He smiled in a way Kankri was sure he meant to be friendly, but instead came off as a smirk. He meant well, he supposed. Most of the time. They had known each other for most of their lives. Kankri couldn’t even remember how they met- but he did remember the time before their interests had taken different paths. They weren’t moirails; their friendship had never progressed into a quadrant, but they were close for a time. They didn’t have to do anything in particular to have fun; they just enjoyed each other’s company. For Kankri, that was all he could ask for.

However, after a while Kankri had become tired of Cronus’ disregard for others’ feelings, and his language was deplorable. Cronus seemed to be growing bored with him as well; he kept finding more and more excuses to avoid spending time with him. When he confronted him about this, Cronus had scoffed and told him he ‘didn’t know how to have fun’. Eventually it became impossible to ignore their irreconcilable differences. Every conversation became an argument, and there were too many misunderstandings to continue their get togethers the way they had been. Their friendship faded to a distant acquaintanceship. When they occasionally bumped into each other, they said hello and little else. It was around this time that Kankri withdrew from most of his social life. Maintaining friendships suddenly seemed to be too much work, and anxiety inducing as well. He was perfectly happy writing and meditating on his own. He wasn’t particularly upset that he and Cronus had grown apart- it was natural for some friendships to come to an end. He moved on as best as he could.

“So. Uh, I’m gonna go now. I gotta get somethin’ to eat.”

“Before you leave- I want to thank you for checking to make sure I was alright. If I had slept any longer I am sure I would have been even more uncomfortable when I woke up.”

“Don’t worry about it. I saw you slumped over and at first I thought you were sick or dead or somethin’. But you were makin’ a weird noise so I figured I’d check.”

“No, I am in perfect health.”

“Yeah. See ya later I guess?”

“Goodbye.”

Cronus turned, but he stopped himself before he could walk away. He stayed there for a few seconds, head down.

“I, uh.."

“What is it? I thought you had to go. Is something wrong?”

He sighed, and swiveled back around. He looked worn down, like he’d aged 10 sweeps in a few seconds.

“Look, I- I know this is weird. But I’m sorry about bein’ such an ass to ya back then. I was figurin’ myself out, and I said some shit I shouldn’t have. I mean, we were kids, ya know? Every time I see you I wanna talk about it, but I figured you wouldn’t want to. You always look like you got somewhere to be.”

“Cronus, I am not angry at you. Friendships end, and ours did just the same as many others. It was a shame that we were not able to resolve our differences. Although you still need to work on your foul language, I sincerely appreciate that you took the time to let me know how you felt.”

“Really? Shit, I mean, uh, cool. Thanks. I’m glad I got that off my chest.”

He was obviously relieved. His demeanor quickly changed from apprehensive to his usual comfortable self. He swept his hands through his hair, a smile returning to his face. He had a nice smile- a genuine smile. Kankri had forgotten how easy it was to talk to him. He may have been a sarcastic, indiscreet poser, but when you talked he really listened. He could be exhausting to be around at times, but when you spent time with him his haughty facade fell away and the troll he remembered from his childhood was still there beneath it all. It wasn’t that he was easy to please- Cronus wanted, more than anything else, someone to take him seriously and respect him, and Kankri had for a long time.

He realized with a start that he missed Cronus. Not just slightly, as he did when they saw each other for those brief moments on their way somewhere else. He missed having a friend who he could trust and spend time with, someone he could talk to. He had often wondered if there was a chance that they could find some closure, but he worried about opening old wounds. However, if he didn’t say something now, he might not ever get the opportunity.

“If you have time, I suppose you could accompany me to lunch tomorrow afternoon, to catch up on things. I would not mind the company.”

“Wait, really? I- yeah, that would be neat. I got nothing on my schedule. Your place or mine?”

“A neutral location would be better. My lusus might object to having unexpected company, and I’d rather not intrude or expect you to cook when I am the one inviting you. Is there any other place you would recommend?”

“We could grab some food and take it to the beach. No one ever hangs out there, and it’s pretty nice.”

“That sounds comfortable. I will meet you there at midday. Is that satisfactory?”

“Sure is. I gotta get going. I’m starving. See ya tomorrow!”

Kankri watched him saunter away with a swing in his step. His fins twitched slightly- a tic that Kankri recognized from their childhood together. It had been endearing back then, and now it amused him to see such a familiar thing when Cronus looked so different. Before his greaser phase, he had been interested in magic and wizards. He was small back then, his hair clipped short and his wardrobe less flamboyant. His jawline was softer, his nose a little less prominent. He had even been shorter than Kankri, who was the elder of the two. Kankri had not grown much since then. He only came up to Cronus’ stomach. His voice had changed too- it had gotten deeper, but no less expressive. Kankri wondered if his had changed as well, or if he looked drastically different in Cronus’ eyes. There were no mirrors in his hive, and he did not own a camera or any photographs. He did not approve of vanity- he did not particularly care how he looked, and too much time spent worrying about it led to discontent. Cronus’ obsession with his appearance and how others saw him was one of the reasons the two had grown apart in the first place.

Once Cronus was out of sight, he decided to take the long way back home and give himself some time to think about their interaction. He felt a sudden chill, and went to place his hands in his pockets.

He froze. His hands- his empty hands.

The page was gone.

 

__________________________________

 

Kankri retraced his steps over and over again for the better part of an hour, but to no avail. It was nowhere to be found. At first he was dejected- all that work, all that time for nothing- but then he began to wonder if it just wasn’t meant to be. Maybe whoever it belonged to didn’t need it, and he was just the strange troll who obsessively tried to return a meaningless scrap of paper to it’s original owner. Either way, there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Even if he never got to return the paper, at least he got the opportunity to reconnect with Cronus.

The memory of their last argument swam to the front of his mind. They had both acted foolishly; it had taken too long for him to realize that he was at fault just as much as Cronus was.

_“Do you even hear yourself when you talk? You just keep going, steamrolling over everything anyone else might have to say. Why do you care what I do in my free time? Do you get off on sticking your nose in everyone’s business?”_

_“I care deeply, for all of my friends. If that means I have to look out for your best interests when you won’t do it yourself, then I will. You have no sense of self control! I am only attempting to help you!”_

_“You know how you can help me? By leaving me the hell alone.”_

_“If that is what you want, then I have no trouble removing myself as a good influence from your life.”_

They had stormed away, each content to wallow in self pity. After that last fight, they had never fallen back into their old routine. They were so furious at each other that Kankri decided it would be better for both of them if they just took a break. He didn’t expect that either of them would ever actually make up, because neither of them were the type to admit that they were wrong. They both had too much pride.

If both of them had been a little bit older, a little smarter- maybe things would have gone more smoothly. And, after all, it had been a few sweeps. They had grown considerably, and hopefully matured. Hopefully the wounds they inflicted on each other would not sting so much this time around. If it didn’t work out, he would lay it to rest and move forward with his life. He had to admit, however, that he was hoping that didn’t happen.

He came home to an empty hive- his lusus was out doing whatever it was crab-creatures do in their free time. There was a neatly packed set of tupperware dishes with his dinner for whenever he felt like eating, and he grabbed them on his way upstairs. He pushed open the door to his room, cleared a space on his desk and dug into the still-warm macaroni and grub sauce. The quiet he’d grown used to suddenly seemed stifling. He needed noise.

For the first time in ages, he turned on the television. He only had two or three channels and most of them were current events or news stations, but he did have a DVD player. The DVDs were neatly stacked in their boxes on the ottoman- they were almost entirely documentaries. There was one that he used to watch just about every day- a series of short programs on troll history and philosophy. He never got sick of the narrator’s deep voice and the rhythmic, spa-like music in the background. And there it was- tucked at the bottom of the stack. The box popped open with a satisfying click, and Kankri was glad to note that there were no scratches on the disc. He carefully placed it on the tray, slid it in, and waited for the menu screen to appear. It took a while for the old machine to kick back into gear, but it still worked. He pressed play, settled back in a pile of pillows, and let himself relax.

 

____________________________________

 

“Hey, I’m headin out. Need anythin?”

Cronus’ lusus answered with a soft bubbling whinny, which he translated as a solid ’no’. Satisfied that he had everything he needed, he headed out the door, jacket slung haphazardly over his shoulders. He called back over his shoulder, giving the seahorse-creature a wave and a smile.

“I should be out all day, don’t wait up. Get yourself somethin’ good to eat tonight, cool? See ya.”

His optimistic confidence was interrupted when he missed the curb and tumbled face first into the grass. It took a few seconds for him to realize how he had gotten there, and a few more to scramble to his feet, brush himself off, and jauntily walk away, hoping no one had noticed. His shoelace was untied, but that would have to wait until he was safely away from his little crash zone. Still, he refused to let his embarrassing start ruin the rest of his day- he was a troll on a mission, and he had places to be.

Somehow, Kankri had been willing to try things again. It was almost more surprising than finding him half asleep in the woods. Their falling-out hadn’t been pretty, and Cronus was positive that Kankri couldn’t find it in him to forgive him. There was a while when they were kids where they would play pretend, climb trees, and neither of them was worried about what the other thought. Cronus had his magic wands fashioned from sticks found in his lawn ring, and Kankri wrapped blankets around his shoulders as a cape. They always played the same game- the two of them against pirates, or monsters, or aliens. But the good guys always won, and they always won together. Of course, he couldn’t expect things to stay that way forever. They had grown up, and Cronus was glad for it. He just wished it hadn’t been such a rough split.

But here they were, going to hang out and eat lunch at the beach, as if they’d picked up right where they’d left off. He was more excited than he let on; he was itching to know how he’d been, curious to see what had changed. Talking to him had been fun before he’d gotten so preachy. He even had a sense of humor- a dry one, but he could be pretty funny if he wanted to. Remembering it, though- it was bittersweet. They had some real good times, but they were punctuated by some seriously bad patches. Thinking of one always led to thinking of the other.

The smell of sea air hit him before he could actually see the beach. Squalk-beasts perched precariously on slick rocks and pieces of debris that had washed in from the shore. The grassy marsh eventually gave way to smooth sand. Silhouetted against the pale beige was Kankri, who was laying down a large blanket and unpacking some containers of food. As he got closer, he was aware how the sand dampened his footsteps, and he wondered if he should make some kind of noise so he didn’t startle his friend. The universe, in it’s ever-present sense of humor, decided that now would be the perfect time for that loose shoelace to get caught under his sneaker, and Cronus’ face once again got well acquainted with the ground.

Kankri turned just in time to see him sprawled out face down, not even trying to get up. He was resigned to his fate of eternal, ill-timed clumsiness.

“Are you hurt? Cronus? Can you hear m-“

“M’ fine.”

The sand in his mouth made it sound more like ‘Murf’.

“Let me help you up. You could have sprained your ankle, or pulled a muscle. Should I return to my hive to fetch a first aid kit? I may have a splint in our health cabinet, or perhaps I should call a physician…”

By the time Kankri had sorted through possible treatment options, Cronus had cleaned himself as much as he could and moved. When Kankri looked down to gauge his condition, he found him now seated comfortably on the blanket, nonchalant and trying his hardest to ignore his embarrassment. Kankri noticed that his fins were blushing dark purple.

“Told you I was fine. Look- my ankles are unstrained, and my face is free of sand. Perfectly healthy. Now let’s never talk about that ever again, for the rest of our lives.”

“If you say so.”

“I do. Now what kinda food did you bring? All I was able to scrounge up was a couple bucks in case we wanna get some ice cream or somethin’ later.”

His eyes scanned the stack of containers. It appeared that Kankri had come well prepared- there were sandwiches, a tub of macaroni, a thermos that had some kind of soup in it. It smelled amazing, and he didn’t hesitate to dig in. He grabbed a sandwich and started scarfing it down. He looked up at Kankri to find him staring confusedly back at him.

“W-wait, shit, did you want this one? If you had one you wanted for yourself, tell me, I’m sorry man-“

“No, it’s fine. I was just, well, surprised.”

“At what? The food’s great, I’m diggin’ this, what is it, some kinda ham? It’s fantastic.”

“Not about the food. About us. Sitting here, sharing a meal. It has been quite a long time, and I wasn’t sure at first if you would show up- after everything, you have every reason to be angry with me. I’m glad you decided to meet me here. Hopefully we can catch up- I’d like to hear about what’s happened since we ceased our communication.”

Cronus, mouth full, quickly swallowed so he could respond. Kankri allowed himself to get comfortable and sat at a polite but friendly distance from Cronus. He offered him a napkin, which he gratefully accepted.

“Of course I showed up. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t really been doing anything exciting these past couple sweeps. I shuffle around town and hope someone’ll give me a chance, but none of the gals around here are interested. They ain’t my type anyway. But like I said yesterday- I’m really happy to see ya. All those times we’d bump into each other it felt so awkward, you know? Neither of us knew what to do. We didn’t, i dunno, communicate right. But I’m willin’ to give it a second chance if you are."

Kankri’s stern expression softened to a slight smile, a rare treat that Cronus had treasured when they were young. It wasn’t often that he got to see it, and when it happened he knew it was genuine. It was the first smile from him Cronus had seen in a long while. Maybe they could fix this after all.

“I am willing. I always cherished our friendship, and I was rather despondent when we no longer got along. In the meantime I have mostly been practicing meditation, and reading the sacred texts that still survive from the rare books compendium. I care for my lusus, and occasionally visit Latula and the others when time permits. Besides those things, I still lead a relatively quiet life.”

“Hey, if it works it works. No judgement here.”

The waves rolled in, lapping quietly against the few rocks that littered the shore. They listened, enjoying their sandwiches and macaroni, and found that conversation began to come easier to them the longer they talked. As the hours fell away, they became less tense, less self-conscious. Soon they were chattering on about old memories and new friends. Some things, at least, hadn’t changed.

 

________________________________

 

At some point it had gotten too cold to stay out by the open water. The wind was chilly, especially since they had dressed for the mid-day heat. Even Kankri shivered under his thick sweater, and they agreed that they had better head home. Cronus was in high spirits. The day had gone even better than expected. As far as he could tell, Kankri was having a good time, and was loosening up a little. He even told a few jokes, albeit outdated ones. The two alternated carrying the beach blanket and the empty containers. Neither was heavy, but Cronus had insisted on helping since he’d forgotten to bring food. Kankri seemed pleasantly amused at that, and offered to take the blanket.

Their walk home was quiet, but not uncomfortable. They had worn themselves out with talking, and they were content with silence for a while. However, after a few minutes Kankri did something he had never done before- at least around Cronus. He started humming. It was difficult to notice at first- the sound was in a low register that blended in with the sounds of the evening. Once Cronus had identified the sound as coming from Kankri, he started walking just a little closer to him in an attempt to hear it better. He didn’t think he was being too conspicuous, because the humming didn’t stop, but the longer he listened the more he realized he recognized the tune.

“What song is this?”

The humming abruptly came to a halt. Kankri stopped in his tracks, looking confused and a little disturbed. Did he know who had written it?

“What did you say?”

“What song is that?”

“It’s quite a long story, and I should think that you would be tired of hearing me talk at this point in the evening- I could explain if you like, but I won’t bore you if you aren’t interested."

“I got plenty of time. It’s not like we’ve got anywhere important to be.”

“Alright. I was meditating, just a week ago, right in the park where I saw you yesterday. It was windy, and I was reading some of my older writings, and the wind pulled them right out of my hands and scattered them around. I was trying to get them back in order when I realized that one of the pages didn’t belong to me. It sounds ridiculous, but it had some music written on it, and I tried for days to find out who the author was but no one claimed it. It might seem silly but I swear to you that it is what happened. I tried to finish the piece, and see how it sounded since it was not likely to find its way back to the original author, and I brought it back to the park to think. I must have fallen asleep with it in my hands, but when you woke me up it was gone. I wish I hadn’t lost it- it was a lovely melody. It’s been stuck in my head the past few hours.”

“So that’s where that page went.”

“What did you say?”

“That song- it’s mine.”

“You mean to tell me that you wrote that music?”

Cronus tried to hide his blush. It wasn’t often that someone complimented his music. Kankri probably had no idea he even wrote music at all. He was staring at Cronus with an unabashed surprise. He looked like he’d seen a ghost.

“Yeah. I’d been working on it for a few weeks. That last page went missing after I brought my guitar and some of my music to the park a few days ago. Looks like you found it.”

Kankri still had yet to do anything other than stare. His mouth opened and closed a few times, but whatever he had to say wouldn’t come out. He shook his head, trying to clear the fuzz clouding his thoughts. Unable to hold them in check any longer, the questions he’d been trying to answer spilled out.

“You have talent, Cronus. For one thing, I am incredibly glad that I was able to find the author, even more so that the author was you. Is this the only song you’ve written? What is your process? I’m relieved that you found an outlet that is so fulfilling for you.”

“That’s awfully nice of ya. I mean, I’ve written some stuff, nothing serious, but this was a pet project. You really think it’s something? I never get very good results from this kinda thing. Most of my earlier stuff was pretty bad.”

“I wouldn’t expect anyone’s first attempt at a hobby to result in mastery. Practice makes perfect, and you have obviously practiced. I wish I could say that I had written anything as well as this piece. Not to mention that I’ve only seen a few verses- I’m sure the rest is similarly impressive.”

Kankri’s voice was steady, but it betrayed an almost undetectable amount of pride. Cronus was thankful that he had been so receptive, but he was eager for more constructive criticism. He finally had an audience, and he wanted a chance to show off his hard work. He had to be careful, though; coming on too strong would just make him uncomfortable, and that was the last thing he wanted. They had only just started talking again, and he didn’t want to ruin his second chance.

“I could show you if you want sometime, if it’s okay. You could come to my place and check out my music room. I gotta couple’a real nice guitars, a piano- if you can remember any of the extra bits you added we can give it a shot and see how it sounds. I didn’t know you were into music either."

“I received a keyboard as a gift from Porrim. I have little occasion to use it, but I learned the basics on how to play it. I would be happy to visit your hive- I’m sure the song sounds better on the instruments it was written for. Unfortunately, I won’t be free again until next week, but when I am I will send you a message. Or should I come directly to your residence? I do not want to intrude if you would rather have time in advance to prepare.”

“You can come over whenever. And don’t worry about intruding or anything. I love surprises.”

“Should I bring anything?”

“If you want you can bring a couple snacks. I should have restocked the fridge by then.”

“Thank you for inviting me, Cronus. I look forward to it.”

They didn’t speak for the rest of the walk home. Cronus dropped Kankri off at his hive, made sure he had all of his containers, and bid him goodnight. Once the door was closed and the lights began to flicker on inside, he turned and headed back to his own hive. His hands swung loosely at his sides, but his muscles felt as taut as piano wire. He couldn’t help but wonder if he had said something wrong, poring over everything he’d said that might have been taken the wrong way. Of course, it was unfounded- Kankri had seemed happy when they said goodbye, and had even shaken his hand. But Cronus was by habit a troll who constantly second-guessed himself, even if it didn’t make any sense. Fortunately, his rigid nerves began to relax, and he was overtaken by a warmth that he could only attribute to having had a really particularly good day. Of all the things they could possibly have in common, Cronus was glad it was music.

 


	3. Moon Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kankri finally gets to hear the song in person.

 

Today was the day. Cronus had spent the whole weekend deep-cleaning his hive- an activity that had his lusus flustered and excited. He had to reassure his seahorse-dad that no, there wasn’t a girl coming over, and no, they didn’t need any privacy, and yeah, they’re just gonna use the music room so don’t be weirded out if it gets loud. His lusus had been intrigued by the idea of having guests, but was eventually distracted by the large container of kelp that Cronus had brought in for him. He was currently munching away happily, making whinnies and bubbling chirps that he recognized as a ‘thank you’.

Every few minutes Cronus would stop, listening for the sound of a knock on the door. He had to remind himself that Kankri wouldn’t be here for another half hour or so. In the meantime, he sat hunched over the grand piano and scribbled notes and lyrics on scrap paper, trying to find the remember the contents of that missing page. Unfortunately, nothing was coming back to him. It was always when he needed to write that his creativity failed him. Instead, he opted to let himself play and see what happened.

The second his fingers touched the keys, there wasn’t a worry that could reach him. He didn’t have to think about a melody or notes or chords- muscle memory took over and he just played what his body wanted him to. It flowed almost seamlessly for a few minutes, but the song he needed wasn’t there. He ended up just banging on the keys, letting the discordant sounds echo in his brain. He plopped his head on his elbows, pouting and wishing he could come up with something. Mindless jam sessions weren’t getting him anywhere. 

For a split second, he was furious- that anger felt out of place in his head. He wanted to break something- however, before he could make any stupid decisions, the anger toned itself down to aggravation. He stood slowly, and it took all his effort not to slam the bench back under the piano. He didn’t even know why he was so frustrated. He flopped down on one of his bean bag chairs, and tried to figure out what his problem was. He’d had writer’s block before; it wasn’t that bad. So why was it this time?

_ No one’s ever wanted to hear what I wrote before. Just once, can i make something good? _

He knew he wasn’t exactly the guy everyone wanted to hang out with. He had a reputation of being the desperate flirt who didn’t understand the word ‘no’- and it was true- he used to be like that. Although some of it had just been miscommunication, he used to have real trouble with people’s boundaries. And because of that, people started to avoid him. At first it had really bothered him; he spent a lot of time whining and complaining that no one wanted to hang out with him and he was a ‘nice guy’ and after a sweep or so of having no one put up with his bullshit he realized HIS attitude was the problem, not theirs. 

He’d spent the next few sweeps getting back into his hobbies and working through his issues. Everyone had to grow out of their embarrassing early teen phase at some point. The only problem was that because he had made such a terrible impression as a kid, no one wanted to get close enough to see that he’d changed. They knew him as a stubborn, human-obsessed douchebag, so that was probably all they were likely to see him as for a long time. He wasn’t disgusted with humans the way they were- they were exciting and interesting and sometimes he felt like he understood humanity better than his own kind. Humans didn’t hide away in their hives all alone, they didn’t spend their adulthoods conquering worlds and causing destruction. They had families- people who took care of them and loved them in a way a lusus never could. They created things- music, art, poetry. He didn’t feel like he belonged with trolls- they were isolated and obsessed with rules and boring to boot. Everyone else seemed to like being themselves, but Cronus never did. It was, he thought with amusement, alienating. 

The pellets of the bean bag chair shifted as Cronus stretched. He’d been cleaning and organizing at full speed and hadn’t thought to take a break. He closed his eyes for a moment and was just about to get comfortable when he heard three sharp raps on the door. All thoughts of frustration were immediately set aside, and he leapt up to go let his friend inside when he caught his reflection in the mirror on the wall. He was still in his pajamas. His purple, no-one-should-ever-see-these-or-he’d-die-of-shame pajamas.

“Just a minute, I’ll be right out! Uh, you know what? Let yourself in, make yourself comfortable. I’ll be right down.”

He sprinted up the winding staircase, down the hall, and rifled through the pile of identical shirts draped on his desk chair. In the back of his mind he registered the sound of the front door clicking shut downstairs. He hoped his lusus was behaving.

_ Dirty, dirty, clean? no, definitely not, uh, there we go. that should work. _

After throwing on a passable outfit of black jeans and his trademark white tee shirt, he took the steps two at a time and rounded the corner to see Kankri sitting in the living room, quietly perched on the one chair that looked the least comfortable. He was clutching a plastic food container, stuffed to the brim with what appeared to be some kind of dessert. When he saw Cronus he stood, and held the container out to him.

“I brought some bread. I didn’t know if you had anything in mind for snacks, so I just brought what I had. I hope this is acceptable. I would have been more creative, but I didn’t have time to make anything like the sandwiches from last time."

Cronus popped the top open- it smelled fresh. He noticed that Kankri had written his name in small, neat letters on the plastic tub. He placed it next to him on the table and invited Kankri to sit. This time, he chose the sofa instead of the chair. Kankri was glancing around the room, and Cronus could follow his eyes as they moved from the posters on the walls to the floor and finally back to Cronus’s face.

“It’s great! How’ve you been?”

“Very well, thank you. And you?”

“I’ve been pretty swell. I’ve been working on finishing that song, but I can’t remember what was on that last page.”

“Oh- I must apologize again for that. I sincerely wish I hadn’t lost the page. But that does remind me-“ 

He fumbled in his pocket for a second and withdrew a tightly rolled piece of parchment paper. He carefully unrolled it, trying not to rip it, and gave it to Cronus. 

“It’s the copy I made before I lost the original. It has my annotations on it and it’s in pencil rather than ink, but I didn’t want to make any permanent changes to your song without making sure there was an extra copy just in case. I thought you should have it.”

For a few seconds, it was quiet. Kankri was nervous- would he approve? Maybe he shouldn’t have changed anything. After all, it wasn’t his song to make additions to. He stared at the page intensely, trying to determine Cronus’ reaction. 

“This is pretty nice.”

“Really?”

“Yeah- it’s got a kinda slow-jam feel to it. It fits in with the melody pretty well, and with a few tweaks I could get it to transition back to the original melody without losing the different chords you came up with. Whaddaya think?”

“I am honored that you find my additions to be adequate. I do not have as much music experience as you do, but I couldn’t help myself. I was so curious to have found it in the first place that I felt compelled to hear the ending whether it was the original or not. I insist that you feel free to make any changes, however. I am not a composer, and I’m sure you have more of the necessary skills than I to finish it. If you decide to disregard my notations, I will not be insulted.”

“I’m not gonna change it at all.”

Kankri was puzzled. 

“Why? I am sure you could write something better.”

“I’ve had crazy- uh, sorry, really terrible writer’s block trying to finish this thing. I hit a road block. You just built a bridge over it. Hey- let’s hear it. Bring it over ‘ere.”

Cronus led Kankri down a short back hallway, almost tripping over a stack of music books piled in the doorway. There were record album covers hung with care on the walls, creating a kind of themed-tunnel that led into the atrium that Cronus referred to as his music room.

The room itself was spacious with a high ceiling and almost wall to wall decorations, except for a small clear spot that framed the hive’s back door. There were bookshelves filled with binders of sheet music, plastic buckets of extension cords, and posters and bric-a-brac from floor to ceiling. An old jukebox sat in a corner alcove, surrounded by bean bag chairs and a shag rug. However, the true centerpiece was the baby grand piano and the hand made specially built guitar rack, both of which were painted in a bright violet. They were in pristine condition, unlike the various thrift shop collectibles and decorations that covered the rest of the room. It was obvious that these were Cronus’ prized possessions, and he waved Kankri over to take a look.

“Check it out. My lusus found the piano for one of my wriggling days, and I bought the guitars myself. It took sweeps to fix it all up, and I ended up almost breaking an ankle trying to move it in, but they work like a charm.”

“They’re quite colorful. And the architecture of your hive is really quite impressive.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool. I could have had it underwater but then no one would ever come visit.”

He seemed to be looking for something. He was picking up random stacks of books, turning over cushions, but to no avail.

“Shit, I cleaned this place too well. I mean, uh. Darn it.”

“Thank you. What are you looking for?”

“Music stand- ah. There it is. Apparently I shoved it behind the jukebox.”

A few seconds later he emerged from the alcove with the stand and a handful of stray guitar picks. He set it down next to the piano with Kankri’s paper and reached into a box under the piano. He withdrew a slim folder, grabbed 5 or 6 pages from inside, and stuck Kankri’s page at the end. It looked out of place next to Cronus’ first draft- a tall, creamy sheet next to the crumpled, ink stained pages covered in corrections. 

Kankri peered at the pages, and finally saw the context of the verse that had been stuck in his head for days. He didn’t know what he had expected, but he was happy to find that the rest of the song was just as intriguing as the little section he was familiar with. It was obvious that Cronus had been hard at work trying to complete it. There were entire sections that had been whited out and written over, and there were notes and ideas scribbled in the margins. At first glance it looked like a mess. But a closer look revealed a strong melody, and lyrics that showed a developed vocabulary and real emotion. It was incredibly well done. 

Cronus was fetching his guitar from the case and tuning it. He had his fins right up against it as he tuned it quietly- he knew it looked stupid, but he didn’t have an amp and he wanted to play his acoustic guitar today. Honestly, he just didn’t want Kankri’s first experience hearing the song to be jarred by hearing him tune up. He wanted the song to sound right the first time around, and that meant no awkward twanging while he got everything organized.

“I like the words you’ve chosen for the second verse. They are very eloquent. May I ask what the inspiration for the song was?”

Head still at an awkward level, he talked a little louder so Kankri could hear him. 

“There wasn’t anything that inspired it. It just popped into my head. I thought damn, uh- dang, I gotta write this down before I forget it. Usually when I try and write it’ll take a few days to get something that’s really nice, but this time it just ended up coming to me all in one piece. Except the end. Couldn’t figure out the last couple verses for the life of me, but ya kinda handled that yourself.”

Kankri laughed a little, and Cronus stopped short. It had been a hell of a long time since he’d heard him laugh.

“Well, sit down. Grab a bean bag and give it a listen.”

“Alright.” 

Kankri picked a bean bag and sat down with a soft whump. Cronus couldn’t help but laugh at the look on his face. He looked like he was expecting it to be a bit higher off the ground than it actually was. Once he got over the shock, though, he seemed pretty comfortable. Now that the guitar was nicely tuned, he straightened out the sheet music and began to play.

As he carefully plucked the strings, he felt like he were seeing the notes in his mind’s eye instead of on the page, just waiting for them to fall into place so he could pick them out of the air and make them real. There were few things in life he loved more than he loved that guitar. It just felt right in his hands- the cool wood and the rough strings that gave him callused fingers, a sign of hard work and perseverance. 

“How dark the autumn night / how pale the stars and moon / the trees stand guard with reaching arms,”

Cronus had to admit he was a little proud of his voice. Singing was one of the few talents he had since birth- and the only talent it didn’t take constant work and practice to keep. His tenor rarely wavered, and when it did it was on purpose. When he looked over at Kankri he didn’t look bored or uncomfortable. He looked like he did when he used to read those weird books out loud when they were kids- it would be like he disappeared and the story took over. He was really, actually listening. Which, to be honest, was a pretty big deal. A couple sweeps ago he would have interrupted every five seconds to tell him he should change the lyrics to something less ‘problematic’.

“To call the crows back to their cold embrace / no daylight figures walk these streets / the shadows claimed them as their own,”

He started to play a little faster; long strokes of the strings gave way to quicker phrases. He could feel his knuckles start to hurt like they always did when he played without a pick. Now that he thought of it, he had grabbed 5 or 6 just because he knew this would happen, but he played without one more often than not. It hurt his hands a little, but it felt more real.

“and you were there / in the lamplight, in the mirror / you were there / were you watching, were you waiting,”

At that verse the drums would come in, and then the bass, and piano. He could hear it in his head exactly how it would sound in real life. He didn’t even really need to look at the sheet music. He tried not to close his eyes like he usually did when he played- when he was younger he used to squeeze his eyes shut when he concentrated really hard. He got made fun of for it, but it was a habit that he could never seem to break. It was weird- he usually wasn’t too self-conscious when he played for other people, but he felt like there was a lot at stake this time. If he could really convince Kankri he’d changed, well…

“I can’t find you in this dark / reach out to me / reach out to me…”

There was an interlude where he had written some fancy riffs, but he didn’t bother with them. They would sound best with the full band, and he kind of wanted the finished piece to be a surprise. Every few seconds he snuck a glance over at Kankri to make sure he hadn’t drifted off, but he was sitting in almost the exact same position he had been in when he started playing. He had what his Seahorse Dad called ‘moon eyes’- big and shiny and focused. Cronus shivered a little, but kept playing.

“if you’re waiting, I will walk with you / I will be your light / tonight, tomorrow, tonight.”

With a final strum of his guitar, Cronus stepped back a little, indicating that the song was over. For a few moments Kankri was quiet, and Cronus feared the worst. But then, unexpectedly, he began to clap.

“That was wonderful, Cronus. I am particularly impressed with the eloquence of the lyrics you have chosen- reading them on a page is one thing, but they are much more meaningful when combined with the instrumentals! What are your intentions for the rest of the music- are there other instruments you are planning to add?-“

And there he was, talking up a storm again. Words and words and words and words, but Cronus wasn’t bothered by them. For once, they were nice ones instead of constant, unrelenting criticism. He let Kankri talk for another five minutes or so before he abruptly realized he was supposed to be listening. 

“-And thank you, Cronus, for deciding to keep the part I added. I am honored to have been a part of making this beautiful song. Are- are you alright? Do you need to sit down? You are looking rather confused. I can fetch you some water, or-“

Cronus wished he could have taken a photo of the look on his face when he hugged him. Kankri sputtered for a few seconds, and Cronus laughed. It sounded like he was speechless for the first time in ages.

“Um. I-“

“Sorry, I know I shoulda asked you first, but I’m just really glad you liked it. I just- ya know, I never get anythin but crap from people, so...” 

To his surprise, instead of stepping away, Kankri tentatively hugged back. Now Cronus was the shocked one. They both stood, awkwardly squeezing their arms for a second until Cronus snapped out of his sentimental fuzz and realized how absolutely ridiculous he must look and how uncomfortable Kankri must be. He carefully unpeeled himself from the hug and only just caught himself before “was it good for you too?” came out of his mouth. He almost smacked himself- his stupid sense of humor was gonna kill him someday. 

Trying to recover from the awkwardness of the hug, he turned to ask Kankri what he wanted to do next, but he was nowhere to be seen.

“Kankri?”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the back door swing shut.

 


	4. Should I Stay Or Should I Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kankri takes the piano for a spin.

Two seconds after the door shut behind him, Kankri wondered if he was overreacting. There really had been no reason to disappear like he had- it was dreadfully rude and Cronus must have been incredibly worried. He skidded to a stop a few feet away from the main path that would lead him back to his hive. What had gotten into him? He had sprinted away from his guest like the threshecutioners were after him. What was he so afraid of? A hug? No... it was what that hug represented that worried him. As much as he missed Cronus’ company, he still wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about him. Cronus had been so excited to see him again- it was obvious that he valued their friendship and was desperate to reconnect with him, and he had even gone to the trouble of showing Kankri his personal writing and music. But Kankri had no idea how to tell him that he needed to take things slower, that he needed to get used to him again. 

 

What was he thinking? This was absolutely ridiculous. He had no reason whatsoever to be afraid of Cronus. After all, he had been the one to initiate their reconnection. It felt like the same thoughts kept returning to his mind again and again, like if he switched up the words a little he wouldn’t notice. But no, he kept trying to convince himself he was okay- and then convince himself he wasn’t, and then convince himself to stop trying to convince himself of anything at all.

 

The door squeaked open and shut behind him, and he heard the crunch of Cronus’ sneakers on the gravelly earth. He considered taking off again, but he felt stuck in place. Maybe it would be beneficial for them both to talk about this. He only hoped that Cronus would not feel betrayed or abandoned by him. _Ugh._ He wanted to smack himself upside the head. Abandoned? He only ran outside. It’s not like he screamed at him or-

 

“I’m sorry Kankri. I know I overstepped your boundaries there. Are- are you mad at me? If you are, I get it.”

 

“I am not angry with you, Cronus.” He knew he was there, but it still surprised him a little. Luckily, he recovered quickly and sighed with relief, glad to hear his own voice saying something that made sense. “I ran outside because I was feeling overwhelmed, but I decided it would be better to tell you now.”

 

He could see Cronus brace himself for bad news. He fidgeted with the gold rings on his fingers, twisting them over and over. Kankri pretended that he didn’t notice how nervous he looked. 

 

“I am glad that you invited me here today. I enjoy talking with you, spending time with you, and listening to your music-“

 

“But.”

 

“But- I am still reconciling my past memories of you with the different troll you are in the present. I need time to adjust. I greatly appreciate your efforts to accommodate my boundaries, but I must ask you to make some adjustments.”

 

Kankri winced as he finished speaking, fully expecting an outburst of sadness or anger. When he opened his eyes and chanced a glance at him, he was surprised to see that he was beaming. Why wasn’t he upset? He had, after all, just given him bad news- well, what he thought Cronus would take as bad news.

 

“Why the hell- sorry, uh, heck, I guess. Why didn’t you say so! Ya had me scared there for a minute. I thought you were gonna disappear! Jeez, you really gotta find some way to let me know about this kinda thing without scarin’ the wits outta me.”

 

Kankri, relieved, let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. Now that he had said something, he felt infinitely less conflicted. He didn’t have to worry about sorting out his feelings on the spot- he had at least bought himself some time to get accustomed to him again. 

 

“Cronus, I can tell from the way you have been acting that you have put work into bettering yourself. I am very glad that you are not upset by my request.”

 

Cronus actually looked happier than usual. It pained him to think it, but Kankri realized just how desperate he must have been for someone to keep him company. Cronus really did not have very many friends, and the ones he did have held him at arm's length. He supposed that they had that in common.

 

“Wanna come back inside? I can find some board games or somethin. If you want I could fire up the jukebox and listen to some human music. Do you like human music? It’s a little weird, uh, I mean, it’s new to me, and the song titles are so short, but you should see…”

 

Kankri followed him back in as he continued to talk a mile a minute. He had to laugh- he’d never really had to listen to Cronus much during their friendship, and was surprised to find that he had a hard time keeping up. He wondered if this was how his other friends felt around him- amused, confused, or out of touch. Soon they were back inside, and he followed as Cronus sat him down at the piano, and asked him to play.

 

“I told you before that I am not very skilled at this. I have only ever played my small keyboard. I am sure that my musical abilities pale in comparison to yours.”

 

“You don’t have to play anything good- just play.”

 

He looked down at his fingers, placed daintily on the keys. They were cold, unlike the cheap plastic ones in his own ‘music room’ back at his hive. He gently fluttered his fingers, trying to think of something to play. The only thing that came to mind was the steady rhythm of the mantras he often spoke to himself when he was alone. But he couldn’t play a rhythm- sure, it was possible to build a song with one as a structure, but the notes just wouldn’t come. He was not a composer, and he definitely was not proficient at improvisation. At least with writing he had some idea of where to start. Frustrated, he smacked his fist down against the keys. A discordant clang filled the airy room. Shocked at himself, he stood, trying to back away. 

 

“Oh… I- I am so sorry Cronus, I did not mean to be so violent- I just do not understand how you can simply ‘make it up’ as you so please. Really, I am not the one who should be partaking in your instruments, especially since you have been so polite as to open up your hive to me.”

 

“That was a good chord.”

 

“What?”

 

“That chord that you hit. It was good- a little off-key, a little sharp, but it packed a punch. Music doesn’t have to sound pretty, ya know? It can be loud and messy. If you’re frustrated it comes out in the tune.”

 

Kankri stopped. The only music he had ever heard had been carefully planned- strict progressions of chords and rigid harmonies. He hesitatingly let his hand drift back down towards the keys.

 

“Try something! Come on, say what you’re thinking- let it out! If you gotta bang on the keys, do it. It’ll be somethin’ new. If you don’t wanna sing, just talk. It’s what I do when I get mad- make some noise and talk it out to myself.”

 

He looked over at Cronus, unsure how to react. He had full permission- but it still felt wrong to slam on the lovely instrument that Cronus had very obviously taken care to maintain. Nonetheless, he sat back down, closed his eyes, and before he could talk himself out of it, started playing.

 

The notes were chaotic- barely related at first, jumping from one octave to another. It sounded like a symphony of voices, all talking over each other- some high and hurried, others deep and booming. Kankri felt electrified, as if all the energy in his body were pouring out through his fingertips. It was frightening, but it felt good. He felt himself pulled forward in his concentration, his shoulders hunched. A melody began to take shape- a messy, patchwork combination of the few songs he already knew. Scattered notes formed chords that almost made sense.

 

“Yeah! That sounds fantastic!”

 

He could barely hear Cronus. Soon his own voice rose above the cacophony. He was too nervous to sing, so he just spoke, his voice growing louder. He sounded almost like a preacher in the pulpit.

 

“I am alone, whispering my mantras to myself / what do I know except what I can memorize?”

 

His pace slowed- suddenly self-conscious- and his song became halting. 

 

“How do I feel? / That’s what everybody asks-“

 

He stopped. He felt a little drained, like he’d been playing for a lot longer than he actually was. It had only been a minute, maybe two, but he understood what Cronus meant when he said it was a lot of work. 

 

“Whoa. That was intense.”

 

“Do you think so? Did it… work?” He was almost embarrassed. He didn’t want Cronus to see how confused he looked. 

 

“Yeah. You got some deep sh….stuff sittin’ there in that head of yours. And that piano- you sure got an interesting style. Kinda random, but it’s good. I don’t know if you could make a full song outta that, but you could probably do some kinda spoken word poetry jammin’.”

 

“I am glad you liked it. I myself am not sure if it was enjoyable to listen to.”

 

It hadn't really sounded like anything. If he had heard someone else playing it, he would have been astonished that they had tried to pass it off as music. Cronus seemed to like it though. Then again, Cronus was not exactly known for his excellent taste in songs. His first 'mixtape' that he had insisted everyone take a copy of was atrocious. 

 

“Well, it ain’t Mozart.”

 

“Mozart is…”

 

“Not the kinda guy whose lifestyle you’d approve of. But his music? Probably. I got some classical records if you wanna give him a listen.”

 

“If it is what you would like to do, then I am happy to comply.” 

 

He scooted out from behind the piano bench and found a comfortable seat on the sofa. Cronus flipped through one of the boxes of records carefully labeled “Classical”. Kankri could see from here that he had actually put small tabs in and organized them quite neatly. Finally he settled on a record, carefully withdrew it from the sleeve, and placed it on the record player next to the jukebox. 

 

“I’d play it on the jukebox, but I’m sorta fixing it up. I got the lights working, but not the rest of it. I got the player cheap though- great sound, but not real pretty to look at.”

 

Seconds later the music filled the room, and Cronus came back over to the couch. He flopped down towards the other end, stretching a little, and smiled. He kicked off his sneakers and they landed with a thump on the floor. His socks were the same violet as his sign. 

 

“This is the life. Sittin’ comfortable, listenin’ to some good music, and havin’ someone to talk to.”

 

“Yes. It is nice.”

 

After a few minutes of listening, Kankri felt himself begin to really relax. Cronus’ lusus brought in some snacks and hovered for a while before Cronus self-consciously shooed him off. He gave a satisfied whinny before begrudgingly hurrying away. 

 

“Sorry about him- he’s always checking in on me. I swear, he treats me like a grub sometimes.”

 

“He’s your lusus. He is supposed to do that. My lusus is, well, irritable, but I know that it is because he wants to make sure I am provided for.”

 

“At least yours isn’t a snob. Mine just hangs around all day eating seaweed and getting in my business. Maybe it’s a species thing?”

 

“It is possible that different breeds of lusii may exhibit differentiating behaviors regarding to raising young. I may have some literature in my collection that discusses lusii if you wish to borrow it. I do not often get the opportunity to visit with sea dweller lusi- I have not even seen Meenah’s, though I am sure it is gargantuan.”

 

“Oh yeah- Glub-glub or whatever her name is. She’s the biggest lusus I ever saw- and real finicky too. She’s the only thing on the planet that can tell Meenah what to do. The only thing they don’t have in common is that Glub-Glub’s quiet.”

 

He laughed a little at that. Even Kankri thought the concept of Meenah being bossed around was funny. 

 

“Well, I suppose Meenah had to learn it from somewhere. She is certainly a headstrong and independent individual.”

 

“That’s the understatement of the century.”

 

They continued to talk, and talk, and talk, until they realized the music was no longer playing. Kankri wasn’t sure exactly when the record had stopped, but he had been so occupied listening to Cronus talking that he had barely noticed. The record continued to spin, the absent needle hovering in place just past the edge of the record. 

 

“Oh- heh. You up for side two?”

 

Kankri considered for a moment, but shook his head.

 

“I think it is time I returned home. It is getting late. I have sincerely enjoyed listening to music with you."

 

Cronus hopped up and returned the record to it’s sleeve. He pressed a button on the record player and watched as the turntable slowly came to a stop. He tucked the album back into it’s place in the box and briefly tried to straighten up the area. He looked over his shoulder at Kankri, who had gotten to his feet.

 

“You want me to walk back with you?”

 

“I will be fine by myself, if you don’t mind."

 

Kankri gathered up his things, taking one more look around the room as Cronus walked him to the front door. 

 

“You know I really don’t mind walking with you. It’s only a short way over there. You sure you wanna go by yourself?”

 

“Yes, I believe so. You have spent the entirety of your day listening to me; it is only fair that I let you spend the rest of your night in peace. However, before I go, I wanted to tell you that the song is excellent. I am very glad I found that last page.”

 

“I’m glad you found it too- otherwise I might have scrapped it. Since the mystery’s solved I guess there’s no real reason to meet up anymore, but I’d be real glad if you wanted to. If you feel like hanging out, lemme know, ‘kay? I mean, I get it if I'm too much to handle. But come on over if you want, anytime.”

 

“I will. Thank you for your hospitality."

 

Cronus gave him a thumbs up, which Kankri somewhat confusedly returned, before heading out the door towards home.

 

____________________________

 

 

The adventure, by all accounts, was over- the page had been returned, the song had been finished, and he had finally heard it in it’s entirety. It was bittersweet- without this question of ownership plaguing him, his life could finally return to normal. This would have been fine, were it not for the thought that occurred to Kankri as he made his way back to his hive-

 

What if he didn’t _want_ it to go back to normal?

 

His life had been governed by the strict rules he imposed on himself to make sure he was virtuous and an excellent role model. It had been satisfying, but also quiet and sparse. He hadn’t realized it until now, but although looking for the owner of the page had been stressful, it had also been _fun_. He hadn’t had fun in ages- it seemed inappropriate, or a waste of time. But the past couple weeks had given him a taste of the connection that he had deprived himself of for too long.  

 

Kankri was still getting used to the idea of someone wanting to get to know him better. He had always lived a solitary lifestyle, either because he tended to drive people away accidentally or because he decided to isolate himself. He had friends up until his adolescence, when he decided to take his vow of chastity. It wasn’t that he thought poorly of those who decided to pursue strong intimate relationships. He was insistent that each troll had the right to seek partners for any quadrant. He just felt it was better for him personally to abstain from relationships. It removed a lot of guesswork and miscommunication from his life, and had allowed him to maintain a level of mindfulness that would have been impossible if he had to worry about quadrants and romance.

 

He knew that it was because of this reluctance to commit to relationships that he was so anxious around Cronus. It had been sweeps since he had had any close interactions with others aside from Porrim. Even she was overprotective and tended to meddle, so it was not particularly intimate in the way other trolls might expect. While the possibility of forming a true friendship with Cronus did cross his mind, he feared that Cronus would have expectations for him that he could not live up to. There was no use in sugar coating it- Cronus was lascivious, forward, and obstinate, especially when it came to the subjects of his attraction. He may have seemed shy these past few days, but oftentimes the endgame to his friendships were of a flushed or caliginous nature. 

 

Things could go terribly wrong- friendships had, many times before- but they could also go right. Friendships with Cronus either ended as a disaster or a miracle, and there was no way of knowing which it would be until it was too late to go back. 

 

Kankri shoved his hands in his pockets, trying to decide what to do. There was something in his left pocket- he withdrew his hand to find a boondollar coin. An idea struck him- he would flip it and let it make his choice for him- if it landed on heads, he would keep visiting with Cronus and try to trust him more. If it landed on tails, he would keep his distance and retreat back into his comfort zone.

 

He flicked his thumb and the coin tumbled through the air. He didn’t have to wait for it to hit the ground to make his choice- the second it left his hand he knew which way he wanted it to land. 

 

He made a mental note to send Cronus a message on Trollian the next day.


	5. Conversations

Cronus was not an early riser. He often crashed on the couch or wherever he could get comfortable. He always woke up feeling like he needed six more hours of sleep, so when he found himself up earlier than his lusus, he was curious. He climbed out of his recuperacoon, disheveled and groggy. He looked around, trying to figure out what woke him up, when he heard a ping. Someone was sending him messages on Trollian. And apparently had been- every ten minutes for the past hour. He quickly got dressed and headed over to his husktop.

 

**Kankri: Hello.**

 

**Kankri: I apologize for waking you if you are still sleeping. If you are not asleep, I hope you may find the time to read my messages. Please take your time.**

 

**Kankri: I am messaging you to let you know that I would like to pursue a closer friendship with you. I have given it much thought and have decided that it would be beneficial for me to partake in social interactions on a more regular basis, and that since you have expressed interest you are an excellent candidate. From this point forward I am willing to establish regular meet-ups to become more acquainted.**

 

**Kankri: If you are uncomfortable with this arrangement, please express it immediately as I do not wish to cause you any emotional or mental stress. I must ask that you refrain from pursuing any activities that would break my vow of celibacy, and I expect that we will communicate boundaries clearly. Is this satisfactory?**

 

It took Cronus a good five minutes to read through them and detangle the flourishing language. His messages read like a construction manual. Once he got past the loquacity, though, it was pretty easy to get the picture. The good news was, Kankri wanted to keep being friends! The bad news was that he came with terms and conditions. It was the usual- keep his hands to himself, watch his language. No big deal. He could handle that. Not wanting to leave Kankri hanging, he typed up a quick reply.

 

**Cronus: sounds cool**

 

He was surprised at how quickly Kankri replied. Was he sitting there waiting for a response? The timestamps on the first messages were an hour or so ago.

 

**Kankri: Thank you.**

 

**Cronus: no problem. so- we’re friends now? for real?**

 

**Kankri: Yes. I look forward to our upcoming ‘hang outs’. If it is alright with you, I would like to visit you again sometime soon. I have to tend to my lusus. Goodbye.**

 

He signed off before Cronus had the chance to say anything else. If he was strange to talk to in person he was even stranger online. At least in person there was his facial expressions and tone of voice to give some hint as to how he was feeling, but reading the text felt like seeing a sterilized version of him. For a few moments he stared at the blank screen of his husktop before quietly turning it off. He couldn’t place the feeling of unsettlement that gripped him. Maybe it was apprehension, maybe it was excitement- he couldn’t tell.

 

 

____________________________

 

THREE WEEKS LATER

 

Porrim had a lascivious smile on her face. It made Kankri more than a little concerned and uncomfortable. He leaned back away from the table, trying to ascertain her intentions. She had knocked on his door with a look in her eye that said she knew something he didn’t, and he had to indulge her. After all, they were friends, and she was one of the few people who he allowed to rein in his chattering. So he let her in, and they found a seat in the kitchen. Even this early in the day, she still looked immaculate- hair carefully styled, piercings polished, and makeup flawless.

 

“So, when are you going to tell me?”

 

“…Tell you? About what? Are you implying that I am keeping secrets from you? If you are, I am disappointed in your lack of trust for me.”

 

“Don’t be silly. You couldn’t keep a secret if you tried.”

 

“ _Porrim_ -“

 

He glared at her indignantly, trying to avoid taking it personally and failing to do so. She only rolled her eyes, which bothered him even more. He drummed his fingertips on the table in an anxious rhythm. He could tell that she noticed, and immediately stopped- but that only made his nervousness more obvious. He went back to drumming his fingers.

 

“So you’re telling me you have no idea what I’m talking about?”

 

“If I did, would I not have told you by this point?”

 

“That is true."

 

“So that’s it then. There is nothing happening here. Just a snack between good friends.”

 

“Yes.”

 

Kankri desperately wanted to fill the silence with something, anything. It was driving him up the wall to just sit here, simmering in the knowledge that both of them were completely aware that there _was_  something going on, and neither of them knew where to start.

 

Porrim added some grub sauce to her breakfast, and Kankri worried for a split second that she was angry with him for not telling the truth. Unable to stand it any longer, he decided to take the plunge and open up to her.

 

“Actually, there has been something lately that has given me some trouble. I should have mentioned it before, but I was conflicted even within myself, and I did not want to speak with anyone else of the subject until I had made a decision myself.”

 

“Go on.” She smiled, and Kankri wasn’t worried anymore. “What is it?”

 

“I have been trying to make peace with Cronus again. We have spoken about our disagreements in the past, and come to the decision that it would be worth attempting to rebuild what we had lost. He has become more mature in the sweeps since we last spoke, and I think he is learning to treat others better. If we become true friends again, I may be able to help him even more.”

 

“It shouldn’t be your responsibility to fix him, Kankri. I won’t lie to you- I don’t know how much he has matured or grown, because I’m not very close with him. If you want to be friends, I’ll support your decision. Just be careful, alright?”

 

“Of course. Thank you for your advice. You see, I was just speaking with him on Trollian this morning, and he agreed to the conditions I asked him to follow regarding my boundaries, which made me very hopeful that this friendship could prosper.”

 

“You’re welcome. Now eat your breakfast and don’t worry about Cronus.”

 

Together they ate, and Kankri noticed the silence wasn’t awkward anymore. As he dug in, his mind drifted to thoughts of what he was supposed to do with this new friendship. He didn’t really have any plans in terms of spending time with others since he preferred to be on his own, and he worried that any of his ideas would end up with them awkwardly wishing they had done something else. Perhaps it would be best to allow Cronus to choose what they should do when they met up, or maybe he should trust his gut and do something he enjoyed in the hopes that Cronus wouldn’t find it boring.

 

“Porrim?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“What should I do?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“We are friends. We do things that friends do. We eat together, we talk about how we feel, but I think that it may be because it is individual to the friendship between you and I in particular. I don’t really have any other friends. I don’t know how I would even begin to go about being a friend to Cronus.”

 

“Well, what are things he likes? What are his favorite foods? He likes his music, doesn’t he? Start there.”

 

“That’s just it- he was writing a song, and I finished it because I didn’t know it was his, and he found me and I gave it back to him, and he invited me over to his hive, and we played music together, and-“

 

“Slow down, Kankri. You’re getting ahead of yourself. You’ve got your work cut out for you, see? The opportunity is already in place. Write some more music with him, or ask to listen to some of that human music he enjoys. That way you’ll be able to sit back and find something in common without worrying about having something to talk about.”

 

He let out a breath he wasn’t even aware he was holding. She was right- he really didn’t have anything to worry about. Cronus wouldn’t judge him too harshly, especially since he had just as difficult a time making and keeping friends. Both of them enjoyed music, so that would be the foundation this friendship would be built on.

 

“Be honest with me, Kankri- do you harbor any flushed feelings for him?”

 

“What?” he looked up, indignant. “No, not at all, I only want to widen my horizons. I do not believe that a romantic relationship would be right for me at the present, even if I was not bound by my vow. The truth is that I am finally sick of being by myself all the time. Excepting you, of course, no offense meant.”

 

“None taken.”

 

If there was one thing that plunged Kankri into anxious straits it was the idea of himself in a flushed relationship. They were complicated, messy things, and he couldn’t imagine himself in one anyway. He found much more comfort in his studies of the Signless and his teachings, and the history of their species. He wasn’t /afraid/ of romance, he just believed it to be, well, too intimate. He couldn’t help but blush at the idea. He and Cronus? Together? Maybe in some other world… he was very nice looking, he had to admit, and he was being very accommodating. But there was no way that it would work, even if Cronus wanted to change their relationship. They were just too different.

 

“Kankri.”

 

“What?” looked up, having been lost in thought for quite a while. “What is it?”

 

“Eat your food. You’ve barely touched it.”

 

“I- yes.”

 

Sometimes he found himself rather resentful of her mothering and overbearing attitude, especially her habit of prying, but today she just seemed like she truly wanted to be a friend. Maybe it was a lesson he was meant to learn from.

 

 

_____________________________

 

 

 _I’m in trouble_ , Cronus thought, pacing around his room. _I’m in big, big trouble_. He and Kankri had been messaging each other through Trollian and briefly visiting for a quite a while, and things had been nice- until he noticed just how much he was noticing Kankri. It had been little at first- wanting to fix that cowlick on the back of his head, then wondering who made his sweater, then looking out for that little squint his eyes did when he was thinking. He didn’t even realize he was watching for those small things about Kankri that made him Kankri, until one day it hit him like a ton of bricks. He liked Kankri. A lot. For a stuck up, loudmouthed bore he could be pretty funny, and he certainly had a way with words. What Cronus liked the best though was that he didn’t pull any punches. He was honest, and he said exactly what was on his mind. Cronus would rather have someone tell him a terrible truth than a sweet lie, any day.

 

Yet there he was, daydreaming like a grub, thinking about how Kankri’s voice didn’t quite match his body, and how he always held the door for him, and how sometimes he would talk too fast for his own mouth and stumble over his own words and turn bright red. He looked forward to the days they would meet up and talk about his old songs or Kankri’s meditation- he’d even gotten him to agree to try it once. He was so easily distracted that Kankri never mentioned it again, but it had been fun to try. They’d found simple ways to have fun together, and he’d kind of gotten addicted to it. /This is so stupid. Why am I like this? Why can’t I just be friends with someone without it going all mushy and terrible?/ The one thing he knew more than anything else was that he couldn’t just come right out and say anything about it. It would be mortifying. Kankri would probably get intimidated and back off and they wouldn’t be able to be friends without thinking about it all the time. He had to find some way to ease him into it.

 

No, he couldn’t do that either. He’d had feelings for other trolls before, and none of them had felt like this. So he obviously didn’t have feelings for Kankri, and therefore it wasn’t a problem he had to worry about. Instead he could spend his time coming up with ideas of things for them to do together. So far they’d had more lunches at the beach, they’d watched movies, Cronus even taught him how to swim. This week’s plan was an evening picnic in the woods so Cronus could see the fireflies. He’d been out in the woods plenty, but he never really paid attention to anything but what he was working on, so Kankri had suggested the two of them spend their time just enjoying nature and each other’s company. He was excited, but a little nervous. Not having his music to distract him made him prone to blurting out ‘rude and frankly inappropriate things’, as Kankri had told him. Still, he thought it would be a good time.

 

He wasn’t even annoyed at Kankri’s little comments on his language or posture or the things he said anymore. They seemed more… affectionate, like how he would scold his lusus. He wasn’t trying to be mean; he was just joking around. He’d been spending almost all his time with him- waking up far earlier than he usually did to see him pass by his hive on the way to the library, or waiting until he’d come back to chat through his second floor window. He looked forward to the little moments they spent together. It made him wonder if all friendships felt this good- if he had just been missing out, or if the friends he’d had had never been real to begin with. He didn’t doubt that people had some distaste for him, but Kankri had overcome it and come to really invest himself in their friendship, and that meant a lot to Cronus. More than Kankri would probably ever know, unless he told him.

 

But that was probably not going to happen. At least not today.


End file.
